The Line Between

There is a line that lies somewhere between being funny and being hurtful. More appropriately stated, there is a difference between humor and injury, and there are times when both speakers and hearers blur that distinction.

You are familiar with the situation. Someone rambles on, thinking that they are being funny and endearing, when, in actuality that persons is being nothing but tedious and annoying. Worse, such attempts at humor can be made at the expense of others.They become hurtful and insulting.

There have been times when most of us have been guilty of such unfortunate behavior, usually after a drink or two too many. It is also likely the case that most of us have been on the receiving end of such abuse, and likely bear some resentment for it.

I am reminded of Paul's dealing with the church in Corinth. They had been nothing but a problem for Paul. Conflict was constantly at hand, especially with the apparent divisiveness of many in the small community of faith. Some within the congregation were always looking for ways to exclude some others, to say who could be in or out, depending upon one's behavior. Some within the group wanted to state their superiority over others, a tendency borrowed from the competitive world in which they lived. The argued about food that had been sacrificed to idols, the hierarchy of spiritual gifts, who could and could not take what elements of the sacrament, and what to do with the influence of paganism in the lives of some, or many, within the church.

Paul was a master apostle. In his answer to these, and other, questions, he always applied the same standard of action and decision-making. Paul constantly utilized the archetype of Christ's Crucifixion and Resurrection as a model for faithful behavior and thinking. This archetype suggests that all action and decision-making can be determined on the grounds of self-sacrifice and the benefit of others. For instance, while we know that eating food that had been sacrificed to an idol neither helps us not hurts us, the determining factor has little to do with us. It has to do with others. If a person who is weak in faith sees a strong person in the faith consuming food that had been sacrificed to an idol, may the strong not lead the weak into what the weaker person takes to be homage to another god? Therefore, for the sake of those weaker in the faith, it is probably better that we refrain.

Paul always applies the archetype of Crucifixion/Resurrection. How might we apply it to the thin line that separates humor from injury, fun from hurtfulness? Saying things that harm others is unacceptable. If we focus on Christ, then our intent in speaking must be to lift others, to make them feel better about themselves, to allow others to focus on their giftedness, empowerment and capability. We must refuse to speak in ways that invite others to focus on their weaknesses, flaws, limitations or wrongdoings. We must refuse to use our speech to tear others down, to make them self-conscious, to get them to look at things that may keep them from being faithful. If the archetype of our speaking were the Crucifixion and Resurrection of Christ Jesus then we would refuse to hurt and seek at all times to help.

Alas, our speech is not always so pure. It does not always, or even often, focus on building up others. We have grown accustomed to using speech that harms and hurts, that criticizes and deflates. All too often, our speech is used as a weapon against others, making them feel terribly while it falsely builds up the critic, providing, in one's own mind, a comparative advantage (like the food that had been offered to an idol).

In those moments, those who are insulted are also invited to apply the archetype of Crucifixion and Resurrection. It is a weak psyche that needs constantly to tear others down. It can be understood as a character flaw, born of low self-esteem and a tragically wounded ego.If we were to "walk a mile in the critic's moccasins," then perhaps we might better understand the context of his or her hurtful words and actions. Many times, hurtful speech is unintentional. While the intention does not excuse the effect, perhaps those injured might do well simply to let the speaker know that such language is harmful and to hope with that person that he or she not hurt others with that kind of speech. In most situations, that is all that we need to do. The Crucifixion and Resurrection so applied leads to healing, better intent, forgiveness and redemption.

Sometimes, however, people find it funny to continually tear down others. They constantly choose to be destructive. Stop listening to them. Walk away. Refuse to put yourself in such a situation, and work to help others avoid poison personalities as well. There is a line between fun and humor, between humor and injury. If someone crosses the line constantly in an effort to be funny, help them understand. If they can't or won't walk away.